It’s a good thing I can keep my sword here and have both hands free. That’s a huge survival advantage in the jungle.

What’s the matter, you can’t store your sword in your underwear? Oh that’s right, your penis gets in the way, like it always does. Seriously, I can feel the blade rub up right against my crotch where my penis would be, but it doesn’t hurt me at all because I don’t have one.

How do you even survive with that thing in the way all the time? If you tried to wade in the water, your penis would dip in the water like a worm… a fish could bite it, maybe kill you from venom or infection. On top of that, it gets in the way when walking, and your balls are such a huge weakness.

I am so, so, SO thankful I wasn’t born with a pathetic weak spot like you were! My life is easier because my crotch is smooth, streamlined, efficient, and comfortable.