“I love getting kicked in the twat, the pain is so exquisite, it makes me wince and cry, but nothing gets my greedy little hole wetter faster. Unfortunately, all the guys round here seem to be too nice. None of them will do it to me because they are afraid of hurting a girl… The women in this town on the other hand, are a bunch of jealous bitches. So when I feel the need to get a pussy-kicking, I dress up in a top that shows off my perfect, natural C cups, and bottoms that barely cover my arse or cunt, and hitch them up so high that I have the biggest cameltoe ever. Then I go out, and standing with my legs as wide apart as possible, showing the girl’s a perfect target, I start trying to steal boyfriends from flat-chested bitches. It never fails. Every one of those titless-wonders kicks my exposed genitals and I get to feel that awesome pain that makes my muff drip. The best times are when the boyfriend is so apologetic over his partner’s actions that I can convince him that to make the pain stop he can ‘put pressure on the bruised area with his hand’ or even ‘rub the life back into it.’ I swear… It’s so great being an evil cunt…”

You poor boys. Taps to your balls hurt like hell, but taps to our crotch don’t hurt us at all. No wonder you’re jealous!