I feel so sorry for you boys.

This one time, a guy tried to straddle these bars just like I’m doing. He slipped forward and fell into the water with his legs fully spread out like this. His nuts smacked the water so hard, you could hear the echo. It was like a belly flop, right onto his crotch. He was in so much pain, we had to send the lifeguard into the water to save him. There’s no way he could swim in the state he was in.

I felt so bad for him. I had done the same thing a million times, but it’s not a problem for us girls because we don’t have balls. I guess we’re just lucky we don’t have a weak spot like boys do.