Did you know that some animal species have a prehensile penis? That means they can control it however they want, like another limb. Some of those species also have a prehensile tail. That means that males of those species have four appendages below the waist, whereas I only have two. Isn’t nature weird?

Not that I’m jealous or anything. My parts are pretty amazing too: even though I’m skinny, I get a vagina that can fit in two male fists. See, us humans have big brains and big heads, so vaginas had to evolve to be fucking huge so we can give birth. A side effect of that is that when we’re not giving birth, we can do fucking amazing things with them, like fuck entire wine bottles and two fists. We can do so much more cool things than guys can.