When I was a kid, the neighborhood boys used to make fun of me because I was a girl and I didn’t have a penis. When we played outside, they could run off and pee in the bushes, but I couldn’t. I was so jealous of how they could pee standing up and aim it where they wanted. It made me so upset that I actually went home and cried.

When my mom found out they’d been making fun of me, she knew the perfect way to get back at them. She taught me boys had balls, and it hurt them really bad to get hit there. I’d never felt so relieved in my life! All this time I thought boys were so lucky because their body had more stuff, and that my body wasn’t as because I was missing something. After being made fun of for so long, it was good to finally find out that I had an advantage over them for once.

So the next time they made fun of me for being a girl, I kicked one of them right in the nuts. He went right down, crying. A few of the other boys tried to fight me, but I went right for the balls, and beat them all too. I couldn’t believe how easy it was!

A few of them obviously hadn’t been taught by their parents about boyparts and girlparts, because they tried to hit me in the crotch too. One of them landed a hit and got this triumphant look on his face, like he was expecting it would hurt me like it hurt him. If you only could have seen the look on his face when I got right back up and hit him in the crotch. It was so satisfying to see them learn that what worked so well on them didn’t work on me! I loved having such an unfair advantage, it was like cheating. None of them ever made fun of me again.

To this day, one of my favorite things to do is straddle things and hop up and down. It drives my husband nuts, he’s like “okay, I get it already, you’re a girl, it doesn’t hurt you to get hit there.” But I never get tired of it. I love how getting hit in the crotch doesn’t hurt me, and I’ll love it until the day I die.