I’m really glad I don’t have a penis.

I just don’t see what the big deal is. Yeah you can pee standing up, but it’s dangling in the way the whole rest of the time, and those balls are so sensitive.

My boyfriend tried to make me jealous once. He was all bragging how great it was to pee standing up, and saying how he’s glad he gets to know what having one feels like. It was getting on my nerves, so I clocked him right in the balls, and that shut him up real quick.

I slapped myself on the crotch and it obviously didn’t hurt me. I smiled and said “who’s the lucky one now?”